L is For...

I think I’m having a low self-esteem day. It’s hard to say because it’s only 7:00 in the morning and I’ve only really been awake about 45 minutes, but it definitely feels like a low self-esteem day already.

I kind of go through seasons like this, where, if we lived back in the days of The Scarlet Letter, I’d be wearing frocks embroidered with a giant, bright red letter “L” for “Loser”. Or at least that’s how it feels, anyway. I just can’t seem to get much of anything right, no matter how hard I try.

Most of it comes from opening my big, fat mouth. Oh, how the world would be better off some days if I were struck mute for a moment or two! I am Queen of the Awkward Word, Master of the Misspoken, Grand Duchess of Things Better Left Unsaid. I know this about myself, and still I insist on exercising my voice. When will I learn?

It seems, on days like this, like an impossible trait to escape. I want to do better, to be more honorable with my tongue, to be a few leagues closer to “faultless” in my speech, but it seems like something so engrained in my make-up that getting rid of it would be about as easy as scrubbing off freckles.

Oh to be rid of this sin! To be free from this fault! To be able to walk into a room of women and breathe easy knowing that I’m not about to verbally lay waste to all I’ve ever thought well about myself!

The only thing I know to do today to rise above it all is to pray for forgiveness and help from my one and only Savior, while remembering words He has just recently whispered my heart: You have been saved from bigger things than this, and you have been saved for better things than this.

Those words are taken a little out of context in this situation, but I think they apply all the same. He has plans for me – plans that go well beyond being a big-mouthed loser – and He won’t let anything stand in the way of them, not even me.

So, in light of that reminder, I’m going to get off this couch in a few minutes and get started with my day. I think I’ll choose to live with the knowledge that in Christ I can overcome anything – even something as big as my tongue – and not let it hold me hostage today. I might even wear something other than a red-lettered “Loser” shirt (I’d have to do laundry to wear one anyway….I’ve pretty much exhausted my supply lately). But, if it’s all the same to you, I think I might take a break from phone calls and knitting circles for a moment…

…after all, silence is golden.