I then argued that I can’t afford to go to a gym with childcare, and I don’t have anyone to watch the boys if I use the free gym at the church. Oh, excuses, excuses – I don’t think they were buying them any more than I was. Eventually we started talking about family medical histories and I became aware of just how necessary it might be for me to drop the excuses and start coming up with some solutions that work. I don’t think it’s good for me to just sit around and do nothing, but I’ve yet to figure out a great answer to my time/childcare issues.
So anyway, we got to the retreat center and started our solitude. You already know a little about what happened next, but then it was time for dinner. Last time I went on this solitude retreat you might remember that dinner was a very moving experience for me. This time I was faced with an interesting dilemma: eat fried fish for the first time in 20+ years or suffice with side dishes and call it even. Have I ever mentioned that I hate fish? Well, I do. But guess what? I ate that whole stinkin’ fillet – and it was a big one!
Back in my room I found myself snacking on everything I could get my hands on – chocolate, hot chocolate, a banana, popcorn, Oreos…the list went on. Some of it was to get the taste of fish out of my mouth, the rest of it was just because I knew it was there. Then I found myself asking a very obvious question: why in the world did I eat that fried fish? Was I really that hungry? No, I wasn’t. Was I really that scared of getting hungry later in the night? No, not really. Then why? That’s when it occurred to me that I’ve developed this habit of eating things just because they exist in front of me – regardless of whether or not they’re good for me, I’m hungry for them or if I even like them.
I spent quite a lot of time that night talking to God about my disordered eating (not an eating disorder, mind you – just eating that’s really out of whack). The verse “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) came to my mind and convicted me to the core. I definitely haven’t been taking care of God’s temple.
I looked up the Greek word behind “temple” in that verse and found that it (“naos”, I believe) is the same word used to describe the Most Holy Place in the physical temple of God visited by His people in the Bible. The Most Holy Place (or Holy of Holies) was the innermost room of the temple where the Ark of the Covenant and God’s Mercy Seat were housed. This was the place where God dwelt on this earth until Jesus died on the cross and the curtain separating His presence from the world was torn. No place on earth was more sacred to a believer than the Holy of Holies. That’s the same word He chose to use to describe my body, and here I am treating it like common junk. Ouch.
The more convicted I became, the more I realized that a big issue I’m really facing is that I’m really lazy. Yes, there are other things that stand in my way of eating better and exercising (like money – who wants to spend $20 or more on a meal of fresh vegetables and lean meat when spaghetti with sauce out of a jar can easily be put together for $1.50?). But the biggest issue is that I’d rather swing through a McDonald’s than go home and make a salad, and I’d much rather sit on the couch and watch a movie than jog during my free time. I really need to find some motivation, and I’m really hoping that the thought of vandalizing God’s very own house will be enough to do the trick (you’d think, anyway).
Things need to change, and it really needs to start with paying attention to what I’m eating. I have been more aware of things, but haven’t set a strict diet or anything (not so good of an idea with my track record). But I’ve very quickly realized that I’m not good at saying no to things like sweets that I really, really want but really, really don’t need. I am, however, very aware of how much money I spend. SO, I’ve put some things together and come up with a solution: the temple tax.
I’m going to start a fund jar that I’ll keep on my dresser or in my kitchen (I haven’t decided which yet). Whenever I eat something that is truly in excess (I’m not talking the occasional cookie after dinner – just the extra 5 that usually follow or the two scoops of ice cream that I consider “second dessert”), I will have to pay a temple tax to the jar. I’m thinking maybe I’ll start with $2. That way, the milkshake that already was going to cost me a whopping $3.85 really won’t be worth it at nearly 6 bucks. And if I do cave, that $2 will go into the fund for some kind of exercise equipment or vitamin supplement – something to better the temple that I wouldn’t buy otherwise.
I’ve also thought about imposing a partial tax for every time I look at myself and think or say something mean about the way I look. It’s God’s house, and any state of disrepair is my fault anyway. Insulting it isn’t helping me and isn’t honoring His feelings at all. So maybe a $1 would be in order….then again, maybe $.50 would be less likely to bankrupt us until I get the hang of being a little nicer to myself.
So there it is – the temple tax idea. Now that I’ve put it out there for all the world to review, I think it’s about time I started really implementing it and not just thinking “Wow, this would be like 4 bucks in temple taxes…” and eating it anyway. Wish me luck. Shane’s already picked out the first item to be purchased with the tax money – the “Crunchless Abs” video we saw advertised on TV the other day.
Sweet. I can hardly wait.
Speaking of sweets…there’s some Cookie’s N Crème ice cream calling my name from the freezer. Too bad I gave out all my extra cash at the Missions to Mexico fundraiser at church today… Oh well, I really wanted a banana instead, right?
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