This solitude retreat was so packed with experiences and words spoken to my heart that it’s going to take a few posts to relate even part of it all to you (sorry in advance if they’re long). It amazes me the richness of things that come out of a 24 hour vow of silence.
To begin, I attended the retreat with 12 other women and one man who served as our facilitator. We spent our time at a Catholic retreat center in Maggie Valley, North Carolina. It was a nice, simple place, and the people who run it get a kick out of protestants trying to practice silence (which is apparently a somewhat regular discipline for them).
We started off our time by talking about where we were in life as we walked into the retreat. It was kind of like asking where the red dot that says “You are here” was on our map. I’m a girl who likes analogies, so I told them I felt a little like a sea plane just then in my life. I’d better explain.
You know those sea planes with the huge floating skiffs on the bottom that seem like they’re never going to get off the water when they take off? I feel like one of those because it seems like things are very slowly taking off in my life right now. God’s sending me on a new journey of speaking and writing, and it’s really starting to happen. I feel like I’m finally lifting off the water!
At the same time, though, I feel like I’m burdened with things I can’t seem to shake: financial strain, struggles with self esteem, things that I seem to constantly wrestle with in my life. I wish I could just cut them loose because I feel like it would truly free me to take off and fly in other areas of my life, but I feel that God is telling me that I can’t lose them for a reason. Those floaters really weigh down the plane and make it hard to take off, but without them it wouldn’t be a sea plane. Without these struggles that I seem to battle over and over again, I wouldn’t be the exact same vessel that I am – the vessel God has created and asked to go on this specific journey of life.
So entering my time of solitude, I was really feeling this tension in my life of pulling against these burdens to lift them with me into this new stage of life. I described it as a good tension, but a tension nonetheless. I wasn’t sure how that would play into my time with the Lord, it simply was what I brought with me to that place.
From there we started our time alone. I went to my room, a tiny place big enough only for a single bed, a desk and a sitting chair. The very first thing I did was take a much needed nap. Then, the true silence began. I waited. I tried to pray, but was distracted by a faint odor of something rather organic. I checked the bottom of my shoes, but there were no presents there. I smelled my jeans…nope. The carpet? Uh-uh. Where was this smell coming from that consumed my every thought? I was supposed to be thinking about Jesus, and all I could think about was I don’t like walking in the yards of people who have dogs!
At last I found the culprit – it was the chair! Who knows why it smelled like that. There wasn’t anything on it, and it wasn’t even bad enough to stink up the room. You could only smell it when you sat there. So I moved, hoping that would help me concentrate. But even as I prayed, nothing was happening in my heart. It was as if God had taken His own vow of silence, which was very frustrating. Didn’t He know I was here to hear from Him? What was He waiting for?
I’d realize later that God was indeed waiting for something. He was waiting for dinner.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Some Much Needed Rest
I'm leaving this morning to go on a solitude retreat with a group of women, and I must say I'm looking forward to it. Solitude usually means 24 hours or more of silence, but that might look a little different this time. I do know that I'll have a lot of time alone with the Lord without books, music or television as a distraction. It's an awkward practice at first, but it's rewarding to try and slow down and hear His voice.
For those of you in the Maryville, TN area, if you're interested in hearing me speak you have an opportunity coming up in a couple of weeks! I will be speaking at the Business Women's Luncheon at First Baptist Maryville on Wednesday, December 12th at 12:00 (which, interestingly enough, isn't just for women in "business"...you do have to be a woman, though...). The topic they've asked me to speak about is "Caution, Obstacles Ahead: Finding Peace and Direction Through Prayer and Our Relationship with Jesus Christ". If you'd like more information or would like to reserve a lunch, call their office at (865) 982-5531.
I'm off to be still and know that He is God!
For those of you in the Maryville, TN area, if you're interested in hearing me speak you have an opportunity coming up in a couple of weeks! I will be speaking at the Business Women's Luncheon at First Baptist Maryville on Wednesday, December 12th at 12:00 (which, interestingly enough, isn't just for women in "business"...you do have to be a woman, though...). The topic they've asked me to speak about is "Caution, Obstacles Ahead: Finding Peace and Direction Through Prayer and Our Relationship with Jesus Christ". If you'd like more information or would like to reserve a lunch, call their office at (865) 982-5531.
I'm off to be still and know that He is God!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
A Scrapbook Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving was certainly one for the scrapbooks. We spent it in Pigeon Forge with our family, my husband’s parents and his grandfather at their timeshare. We had such a great time just hanging out together, playing games, eating, and watching hour after hour of the “Little People Big World” marathon on TLC.
Our entire week was illustrated with the intense beauty of the mountains. The leaves set fire to the countryside with their vibrant oranges, reds and yellows, and by Friday morning there was even snow on the peaks of the mountains. It rained quite a bit, but in between raindrops we left the deck door open and listened to the whistle and chug of a real steam engine train winding its way through the valley. At times it felt like something out of a movie.
On Thursday – the big day itself – we managed to craft an entire impromptu Thanksgiving meal for 7 people, while armed only with three pots, two pans, a three-burner stove and 20 minutes of inspiration from Rachel Ray’s “Thanksgiving in 60” special. We had planned to go to Cracker Barrel, but changed our minds when we discovered we’d have to be there at 9:30 in the morning and wait in line for 2 hours. But thanks to Rachel and pre-marinated turkey tenderloins, we all had our fill for less than eating out, and we even met the challenge of not having a ton of leftovers to have to throw out when we left the next day.
The men watched football, the women played games and the kids rode pillows down the stairs. It really was a great day, and it reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for right here in my own family. It’s a good feeling to realize that the Lord is so good to us all the time – not just one day out of the year.
Sure, the mountains were beautiful and the giant whirlpool tub in our bathroom was great, but His greatest blessings are in the things we get to wake up to each day, no matter where we sleep. It may be hard to see sometimes, but our families are God’s gift to us while we are on this earth and away from our true home. He uses them to love us, grow us, embrace us and teach us every day.
I know that’s a hard thing for some of us to think about because our families are far from the Cleavers of yesteryear, but His word tells us that He uses all things (even difficult families) to His good in our lives (Romans 8:28). If you don’t feel blessed by the family you’re in, take heart in knowing that He is still using them as a gift in your life to mold you into the child He intends you to be. We can be thankful, even for the things we can’t understand yet.
I hope you had a great holiday too, and that you were able to take time out – even just a moment – to realize some of the ways He’s good to you all the time.
Our entire week was illustrated with the intense beauty of the mountains. The leaves set fire to the countryside with their vibrant oranges, reds and yellows, and by Friday morning there was even snow on the peaks of the mountains. It rained quite a bit, but in between raindrops we left the deck door open and listened to the whistle and chug of a real steam engine train winding its way through the valley. At times it felt like something out of a movie.
On Thursday – the big day itself – we managed to craft an entire impromptu Thanksgiving meal for 7 people, while armed only with three pots, two pans, a three-burner stove and 20 minutes of inspiration from Rachel Ray’s “Thanksgiving in 60” special. We had planned to go to Cracker Barrel, but changed our minds when we discovered we’d have to be there at 9:30 in the morning and wait in line for 2 hours. But thanks to Rachel and pre-marinated turkey tenderloins, we all had our fill for less than eating out, and we even met the challenge of not having a ton of leftovers to have to throw out when we left the next day.
The men watched football, the women played games and the kids rode pillows down the stairs. It really was a great day, and it reminded me that I have a lot to be thankful for right here in my own family. It’s a good feeling to realize that the Lord is so good to us all the time – not just one day out of the year.
Sure, the mountains were beautiful and the giant whirlpool tub in our bathroom was great, but His greatest blessings are in the things we get to wake up to each day, no matter where we sleep. It may be hard to see sometimes, but our families are God’s gift to us while we are on this earth and away from our true home. He uses them to love us, grow us, embrace us and teach us every day.
I know that’s a hard thing for some of us to think about because our families are far from the Cleavers of yesteryear, but His word tells us that He uses all things (even difficult families) to His good in our lives (Romans 8:28). If you don’t feel blessed by the family you’re in, take heart in knowing that He is still using them as a gift in your life to mold you into the child He intends you to be. We can be thankful, even for the things we can’t understand yet.
I hope you had a great holiday too, and that you were able to take time out – even just a moment – to realize some of the ways He’s good to you all the time.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Big Brother to the Rescue!
So today my almost-five-year-old became somewhat of a superhero in my eyes. I had gone into the bathroom to take care of things and was sitting there, well, praying actually (it’s not like there was anything else in there to grab my attention…), when I heard my two-year-old calling for me.
“Mom-mom? Mom-mom!” (that’s his new name for me as of last week).
“Yes?” I shouted back.
“I stinkin’!”
“You mean you’re ‘stinky’?”
“Yup!”
“I’m coming – DON’T take off your diaper! Did you hear me? DO NOT take it off, I’m coming!”
That’s when I saw it: the empty toilet paper holder. Someone, who’s name will not be mentioned (though he’s about 6’2”, sleeps in my bed and is called “Dada” by my children), had broken the cardinal rule of replacing the toilet paper when you use it up. Now I was stuck. I was not only in need of hygiene rescue, but the clock was loudly ticking down to diaper disaster and an hour of sanitizing whatever room the little one was in when he decided to “clean himself up”.
Enter the almost-five-year-old. I had to yell twice for him to hear me over A Bug’s Life and asked him to come meet me in my bathroom. I then gave him step-by-step instructions. This is a toilet paper holder. This is how it works. Please go get the toilet paper off the holder in your bathroom and bring it to Mama.
I couldn’t tell if the pat-pat sound I heard was coming from his feet running down the hall into his bathroom, or that ticking clock I knew was quickly reaching zero hour. Time was running out. The carpet was crying out to me in much anticipated fear: “Save me! Save me! Not again! What a world, what a world…”
Finally my knight in cotton pjs came to my rescue with a slightly unrolled package of pure, heaven-sent goodness. What did the world ever do without toilet paper? I thanked him and praised his good work and then asked him to please run and tell his brother I was on my way and that he should NOT take off his diaper.
I was washing my hands when I heard, “Um, Mom? He already took off his diaper…”
Great.
I ran in the “oh-no” sound of my eldest son’s voice to find little brother – thankfully – standing with his diaper open and pulled back, but his pants still on! It was an early Christmas miracle! The pants are always the first to go! I was so happy about his little oversight that I honestly forgot to even scold him for trying to take his diaper off in the first place. Crisis averted, time saved, carpet relieved. Suddenly I realized how thankful I should be – things could have been worse. A lot worse.
So tonight as I look back on my day I must say thank you, Jesus, for big brothers, toilet paper and forgetful toddlers. Some days I more to be thankful for than I realize.
“Mom-mom? Mom-mom!” (that’s his new name for me as of last week).
“Yes?” I shouted back.
“I stinkin’!”
“You mean you’re ‘stinky’?”
“Yup!”
“I’m coming – DON’T take off your diaper! Did you hear me? DO NOT take it off, I’m coming!”
That’s when I saw it: the empty toilet paper holder. Someone, who’s name will not be mentioned (though he’s about 6’2”, sleeps in my bed and is called “Dada” by my children), had broken the cardinal rule of replacing the toilet paper when you use it up. Now I was stuck. I was not only in need of hygiene rescue, but the clock was loudly ticking down to diaper disaster and an hour of sanitizing whatever room the little one was in when he decided to “clean himself up”.
Enter the almost-five-year-old. I had to yell twice for him to hear me over A Bug’s Life and asked him to come meet me in my bathroom. I then gave him step-by-step instructions. This is a toilet paper holder. This is how it works. Please go get the toilet paper off the holder in your bathroom and bring it to Mama.
I couldn’t tell if the pat-pat sound I heard was coming from his feet running down the hall into his bathroom, or that ticking clock I knew was quickly reaching zero hour. Time was running out. The carpet was crying out to me in much anticipated fear: “Save me! Save me! Not again! What a world, what a world…”
Finally my knight in cotton pjs came to my rescue with a slightly unrolled package of pure, heaven-sent goodness. What did the world ever do without toilet paper? I thanked him and praised his good work and then asked him to please run and tell his brother I was on my way and that he should NOT take off his diaper.
I was washing my hands when I heard, “Um, Mom? He already took off his diaper…”
Great.
I ran in the “oh-no” sound of my eldest son’s voice to find little brother – thankfully – standing with his diaper open and pulled back, but his pants still on! It was an early Christmas miracle! The pants are always the first to go! I was so happy about his little oversight that I honestly forgot to even scold him for trying to take his diaper off in the first place. Crisis averted, time saved, carpet relieved. Suddenly I realized how thankful I should be – things could have been worse. A lot worse.
So tonight as I look back on my day I must say thank you, Jesus, for big brothers, toilet paper and forgetful toddlers. Some days I more to be thankful for than I realize.
Monday, November 19, 2007
What's in a name?
You might be curious about the name “the Listener’s post”. It’s not that creative sounding, I admit, but it’s fitting. My name, Samantha, comes from the Hebrew word “sama” which means “to listen”. Many times its use in the Old Testament implies more than just a physical hearing, but actual practice of listening to the voice of God in your inner spirit and then acting on what He is calling you to do.
I have known for a long time that in most baby books my name is listed as “The Listener” or “The Learner”. But it wasn’t until this summer that I made the biblical connection with the word “sama”. In June I attended the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference for Christian writers, speakers, and women in ministry leadership. The Lord spoke to my heart so strongly at that conference regarding His desires for my life that I knew my heart was changing forever. No longer was I to walk through this life shackled by the generational sins that kept me in fear. It was time for me to really become His Listener – His child who tunes into His voice in her heart and said “yes” to all He asks of me. His word to me that weekend was to keep my eyes off myself and focused on Him, and everything would fall into place.
I returned from that conference challenged and well, cleansed from my paralyzing fear and pride and encouraged to abandon myself to Him. I was re-baptized a few weeks later as a reminder to myself that His change in my heart is permanent. I am His Samantha – His Listener. Though I’m still learning how to quiet myself and hear His words, I have already seen a glimpse of the great things that come with being obedient to His voice.
This blog is a step on the path of new adventures He has planned for me if only I continue to say “yes” to all He asks. Thanks for being here and allowing me to be myself through the lines of my posts. I hope you enjoy what you read and I pray that He might use these thoughts to encourage your heart somehow. Have fun reading (and commenting!)!
I have known for a long time that in most baby books my name is listed as “The Listener” or “The Learner”. But it wasn’t until this summer that I made the biblical connection with the word “sama”. In June I attended the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference for Christian writers, speakers, and women in ministry leadership. The Lord spoke to my heart so strongly at that conference regarding His desires for my life that I knew my heart was changing forever. No longer was I to walk through this life shackled by the generational sins that kept me in fear. It was time for me to really become His Listener – His child who tunes into His voice in her heart and said “yes” to all He asks of me. His word to me that weekend was to keep my eyes off myself and focused on Him, and everything would fall into place.
I returned from that conference challenged and well, cleansed from my paralyzing fear and pride and encouraged to abandon myself to Him. I was re-baptized a few weeks later as a reminder to myself that His change in my heart is permanent. I am His Samantha – His Listener. Though I’m still learning how to quiet myself and hear His words, I have already seen a glimpse of the great things that come with being obedient to His voice.
This blog is a step on the path of new adventures He has planned for me if only I continue to say “yes” to all He asks. Thanks for being here and allowing me to be myself through the lines of my posts. I hope you enjoy what you read and I pray that He might use these thoughts to encourage your heart somehow. Have fun reading (and commenting!)!
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