"The Story"

Wow, has it really been almost a week since I posted? Sorry about that. Between not feeling well lately, getting ready to teach a seminar at a women’s conference and Shane being out of town (sorry creepy cyber-stalkers, he’s back), I haven’t had a ton of time.

Ok, so enough of you emailed me wanting know “the” story that I’ve decided to just post it. Well, most of it anyway. Part of it is kind of R-rated, so I’m going to try and talk around it. For what it’s worth, here’s the rest of it:

We went to the Tennessee Smokies baseball game the other day with the boys. The Smokies, for those of you who don’t know, is the minor league team for the Chicago Cubs, and on Fridays in the summer they have this awesome fireworks display after the game. It’s really amazing, and if you’re ever in East Tennessee in the summer, you should go.

So anyway, we’re at this game sitting out in the berm area (the grass beyond the outfield – way fun and way cheaper), when I spot this guy wearing what I assumed was a novelty shirt. It looked like a Cubs shirt, but when I saw the back the last name printed across the top was, shall we say, obviously vulgar. I mean REALLY vulgar. It was like one of those vanity license plates people have that spell things out phonetically, only this one definitely wasn’t street legal. It may have taken some people a minute or two to figure it out, but unfortunately I got it right away.

I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to wear that shirt to the game. I mean, this is a family place and there were kids everywhere! I was definitely offended, and could only imagine what other parents felt like when they saw him. It was very uncalled for.

So when I got back to where my husband was sitting, I told him about what the guy’s shirt said (spelling it out, of course, because I couldn’t bring myself to say it). He couldn’t believe it either. I asked if he thought I should say something to someone, but he wasn’t sure what to do.

So I sat there for several minutes, feeling like I needed to do something. I mean, it just wasn’t right – I have a right to protect my children in an environment like that, you know? Finally my righteousness kicked in and, deciding to be the purveyor of truth and justice, I called over a guy that worked for the Smokies.

“Sir”, I asked, “do you ever talk to anyone about wearing inappropriate shirts into the stadium?”
He told me that he usually didn’t. “But,” I explained to him, “that guy’s shirt is really vulgar. And I know my kids aren’t old enough to read it, but there are plenty of kids here that are. I just don’t think it is appropriate, and I don’t think he should be allowed to wear it at a place like this.”
I gathered that he really didn’t want to get involved, but now he was intrigued. I watched him walk over and looked at the guy’s shirt. Then he took a second look. Oh yeah, you read it right, Buddy. It says #$*!%&#*! I wasn’t even kidding…

Slowly the Smokies guy came back and got my attention.

“I’m sorry, did you mean that guy? That guy right there - in the hat?”

“Yup. Did you read it?” I said smugly.

“Yeah. Are you kidding me? Kosuke F______? He plays for the Cubs. He’s huge. He’s number one and everything.”

No way. I couldn’t believe it. This guy had to be putting me on. Shane and I couldn’t believe that someone could actually have that last name. We weren’t back home five minutes before we Googled it. And you know what? It’s true. That “vulgar” shirt was a legitimate Cubs jersey. The guy’s from Japan and everything. I tried to get a guy in trouble for wearing a baseball jersey - to a baseball game. Yeah, I’m an idiot.

So much for truth and justice.

Still, I can’t even bring myself to write his last name on my blog. It just makes me think bad things. If you really, really, really want to know what it is, you can follow this link. But don’t say I didn’t warn you – the four-word phrase I thought it represented was bad. Then again, maybe you’ll see his name and not have a clue as to what I thought it said. If that’s the case, God bless you consecrated one! You are truly a gem in this filthy world! (I, on the other hand….)